Journal Entry – December 5, 1998

This has been a tough fall for me. My Dad’s cancer progressed horribly and on Saturday, November 21, 1998 he left this life and went on to be with Jesus. It was so difficult to watch someone that I loved so much suffer like that and it was almost a relief when he finally died. He has been gone for a week now and reality is beginning to set in. He’s really gone and he’s not coming back. I miss him so bad! 

In the beginning of this I was bitter and angry but over time I realized that I could stay that way and go absolutely crazy or let go and hang on to Jesus. When I finally did that, I began to grow spiritually in an incredible way. I began to experience Jesus in a way that I never had before. So many times I had griped to God that this was so UNFAIR. Then the Lord showed me John 16:33 where Jesus says, “In this world you will have hard times but hang on to me because I have overcome the world!” It was then that I realized that God never promised us that life would be fair but he did promise to be there when life wasn’t fair. And He was there every step of the way. I cannot imagine how anyone could handle something like this without having a friend like Jesus to help them through it. Jesus has helped my family through the most horrible experience that I can ever imagine anyone going through.

Romans 8:28 used to just be a verse that I quoted for people when they were going through a tough time but now it is a reality for me. God did not give my Dad cancer but He chose to use it to bring about so many amazing things. He has carried my family through this awful situation, my sister came to Christ, and I am finding that I can now relate to students who are hurting in a way that I never could before. I have seen countless students come to know Jesus simply because I was able to share with them how much hope Jesus has brought to me in the midst of a hopeless situation. 

If I could offer any advice to anyone going through a similiar situation, I would say this, “Dont’ run from Jesus, don’t get mad at him and push Him away but place all of your trust in Him and no matter how bad things get hang on to Him with everything you’ve got!” I know that sounds simple but if you trust Him, I promise you that Jesus will minister to you in a way that you could never imagine.

Everyday since Dad was diagnosed with cancer, he and Mom sang a little chorus that clearly states the attitude every Christian needs to have no matter what their circumstances might be. I will leave you with the words to that simple chorus.

This is the day that the Lord has Made
I will rejoice and be glad in it.

God Bless ya,