Washed and Waiting

Washed and Waiting by Wesley Hill is an incredibly powerful, challenging, and brave story of a real guy that loves Jesus yet wrestles with homosexuality and rather than choose to embrace and indulge his homosexuality has chosen celibacy as his “cross to bear.” It is a truly awesome testimony of what it means to Live Weak, take up your cross, and follow Jesus.  It’s also an incredibly eye opening look at how difficult it is for a real person with same sex attractions to live out their faith in a Christ honoring manner.

For the Christian struggling with same sex attractions, other sexual sin, or really any temptation or “thorn in the flesh” this book is for you!

Everybody should read this book

check it out here: Washed and Waiting

Here is a short video about the book from the author Wesley Hill

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Be Blessed,


Somebody nail me to this cross!!!!

Sometimes I wonder if it would be easier to die on a cross than it is to die to myself.  Not to belittle in anyway the brutality Jesus endured for us on the cross but sometimes it seems like it would be a lot easier for me to take up my cross and follow Jesus if somebody would just nail me to it.  The sad fact is that I don’t really have a problem taking up my cross, I have a huge problem with laying it down.  Denying myself, taking up my cross and following Jesus (Luke 9:23) is way too often traded in for indulging myself, crawling off my cross, and following my own selfish desires.  Bottom line, I love Jesus with all my heart and I follow after him as hard as I can but I’m just not very good at it.  The key is to not beat myself up for a week when I lay my cross down but confess my sin, climb back up on my cross as quickly as I can, and try again.

I doubt very seriously anybody is going to nail any of us to our crosses any time soon so we’re going to have to get better at getting back in the saddle every time we fall off. For that to happen takes a strength much greater than we have so we must daily not only take up our cross but also learn to live weak by daily recognizing our weakness, choosing to trust in God’s grace, and absolutely depending on God’s strength and not our own.  We still have to climb back on but we are not alone, and never without help.

Hang in there!! – Runks

Live Weak

We live in a society that tells us we need to be independent and self-sufficient, pull ourselves up by our boot-straps (whatever that means??), and do everything in our own strength.  It sounds good on the surface but in reality it is so contrary to the way scripture says we are to live our lives.

II Corinthians 12:10 says, “When I am weak then I am strong.”  So if we really want to be strong we have to learn to Live Weak.  What a radical concept!! Living weak is a paradox that goes against everything the world teaches or believes.  Everybody wants to believe that they can Live Strong and handle all their junk on their own but the fact is we can’t.  We try and we fail because it can’t be done.  In fact, none of us can do anything in our own strength.  Compare John 15:5 with Philippians 4:13.  John 15:5 says that without Christ we can’t do anything and Philippians 4:13 says with Christ we can do anything!  That is the heart of what it means to Live Weak!!! On our own apart from Christ we are absolutely powerless to accomplish anything of any value but by walking daily in absolute dependence upon Jesus we can accomplish anything!!  That doesn’t mean, however, that we just sit back, do nothing, and watch Jesus do everything for us.  Living Weak means living in a partnership with Jesus where we strive to balance dependency with discipline.  You have to have both or you won’t get very far.  It’s like the wings on an airplane.  Which one is more important? The right one or the left one?  BOTH!!! If your plane just has one wing then your going to crash every time!  The same thing is true with dependency and discipline. You have to do your part and God has to do His.

Colossians 1:29 says, “I labor, struggling with all His energy, which works so powerfully in me.”  What that means is that we labor – we strive to follow Jesus with our whole heart. We daily dig into the Word of God and rub up against Jesus all the while living in absolute dependence upon Jesus to give us the strength to do it.

Living Weak is a radical concept in our world but the fact is it works because when we are weak, then and only then are we strong!

Live Weak – Runks

Journal Entry – October 26, 1999

I have been working my tail off around the house here lately! Since I am gone so much in the summer I have a ton of yard stuff to catch up on!! The last few days I have been planting trees…. I have planted 71 trees in the last three days! We are planting a wind break almost all the way around our 2 acres. If you are not from west Texas, a wind break is a row of trees that blocks the wind because there is absolutely nothing between us and Alaska but a barbed wire fence up around Amarillo! It has been really cool for me to do something like this because rarely in what I do are there tangible results. It is difficult to look back and see something I can put my finger on that is the result of my efforts. I think this is especially true for ministers because we don’t build anything or sell anything – we work with people’s lives. When I was a youth minister, at least I got to see someone follow through on a decision and grow deeper in their relationship with Jesus. But now, I blow in , speak and leave. I get to see what God does initially but none of the long term results. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love what I do. I am blown away every day that God allows me to do this ministry but sometimes I would like to see something tangible that is a result of my work. And I guess that is why I am so pumped about at stupid row of 71 trees!! I go out there at least twice a day and look at them. I feel like an idiot because I know there is not going to be any difference in the trees from the last time I looked at them 20 minutes ago. But I keep going out there hoping that they will be, maybe, a little bit bigger.


Here is a pic of Elli & Nick and the trees

I know it sounds silly but God had taught me several things from this stupid row of trees. He has been reminding me that growth is a process and it takes time, alot of time! I can’t expect those trees to be 20 feet tall over night and neither can I expect myself to be a spiritual giant overnight. Just as it takes a tree a long time to grow to maturity, it also takes us as Christians a long time to grow to maturity. It takes years for us become what God intended for us to be when He saved us. We must not become frustrated or over anxious to be a “super” Christian overnight. We must be patient and seek God every step of the way and depend on Him to take us through the process of growing towards spiritual maturity. Just like I have a responsibity to water, fertilize, and prune my trees, we have a responibility to spend time in God’s Word in study, meditation, and prayer BUT it is God who causes the growth. I can’t make my trees grow but I can do my part to give them the best chance to grow fast and reach maturity. And the same thing is true in our relationship with Jesus – we can’t make growth happen but we can do our part to put ourselves in the best postion for God to make a continuing difference in our lives. Which is what he does best! So I am gonna try and do the same thing with my life that I have to do with my trees. I am gonna hang out with Jesus, spend time in the word and sit back and see what God Does!!!

God bless ya, 

How was that for a pastoral newsletter article! I just read it and I feel like Pastor Runks from Po dunk Country Church! LOL!!!

Journal Entry – February 1, 1999

I have said a million times that Christianity is not a religion but a relationship and now more than ever I am learning firsthand that that is the truth. As I continue to struggle through the loss of my Dad, I am seeing this truth completely fleshed out. My personal relationship with Jesus above all else is carrying me through this difficult time. I am finding strength not so much through my quiet time or any other activity but simply by leaning on Jesus. I am not belittlling bible study, it helps, but when I sit back and let Jesus minister to me and over and over remind that He is still in control, it is then that I feel the most secure and find strength to go on. So many times before, when I was struggling with something, I would go to Jesus but I would wind up doing all the talking. But this time I just do not know what to say and I am learning to shut up and “be still and know that He is God.” (Ps. 46:10) And as am still and quiet before Him I am experiencing the hope and peace that Christ can bring to us in the toughest parts of life. I guess I am experiencing what it really is to have a relationship with Jesus. So many times before I have focused on the ritual of quiet time, prayer, or church or whatever to “maintain” my relationship with Jesus but what I was overlooking was what Christianity is really all about. — A personal relationship with Jesus. Don’t get me wrong, a quiet time is important but don’t look at it as something you HAVE to do. If we do, then it becomes a ritual and we miss out on the relationship. A quiet time is simply an activity that God has given us to draw us closer to Him. Period! So no matter what is going on, whether you are dying inside or having the best day of your life, let Jesus be a part of it. Spend time with Him not because you are supposed to but simply because you love Him, need Him and want to be with Him. And then you will find, as I am finding, that Christianity is not a religion but truly is a relationship with a God who loves us and cares for us beyond what we could ever imagine!!

God Bless ya,