Click here to view the embedded video.

The song in the video – “Ask Me” by Amy Grant has served as an incredible sense of encouragement and hope to me in my recovery from childhood sexual abuse. I cannot tell you how many times I have listened to it, over and over again, celebrating the hope and freedom Jesus has brought to my life over the past few years. My favorite line in the song is towards the end where it says,

“He’s in the middle of her pain. He’s in the middle of her shame. He’s in the middle…….

Mercy in the middle.”

What it means to me is that our God of mercy brings comfort to us in the midst of our deepest, darkest moments (see II Corinthians 1:3-4). I’ve come to believe and know that God was with me, bringing mercy and comfort to me when I was locked in a closet as a 7 year old enduring the horrors of sexual abuse. He was with me through years I kept it a secret. He was even there with me when I chose to medicate my pain in so many unhealthy ways. He was with me in 2005 when I finally began the process of working through and overcoming the horrors of my past. Every step of the way God has been there with me bringing “mercy in the middle.” And God can do the same thing for you! No matter what you have faced in your past or face in your present, God is there with you bringing you “mercy in the middle.” No matter how painful or shameful your situation may be – YOU ARE NOT ALONE! God is there with you ready and able to lead you out of the darkness. It won’t be easy and it will take a lot of hard work but not near as much work as it takes to live with shame. Trust me, it is so worth it! Freedom is a beautiful thing and you too can live in the freedom God has for you. If you need professional help check out The Heart Matters counseling center. These are the people who led me out of the darkness! I’ll leave you with a prayer I pray daily:

“God send your mercy in the middle to the abused and addicted still suffering alone. Use me to lead them out of the darkness.”

I’m praying for you!
God bless ya – Runks

Sometimes I wonder if it would be easier to die on a cross than it is to die to myself.  Not to belittle in anyway the brutality Jesus endured for us on the cross but sometimes it seems like it would be a lot easier for me to take up my cross and follow Jesus if somebody would just nail me to it.  The sad fact is that I don’t really have a problem taking up my cross, I have a huge problem with laying it down.  Denying myself, taking up my cross and following Jesus (Luke 9:23) is way too often traded in for indulging myself, crawling off my cross, and following my own selfish desires.  Bottom line, I love Jesus with all my heart and I follow after him as hard as I can but I’m just not very good at it.  The key is to not beat myself up for a week when I lay my cross down but confess my sin, climb back up on my cross as quickly as I can, and try again.

I doubt very seriously anybody is going to nail any of us to our crosses any time soon so we’re going to have to get better at getting back in the saddle every time we fall off. For that to happen takes a strength much greater than we have so we must daily not only take up our cross but also learn to live weak by daily recognizing our weakness, choosing to trust in God’s grace, and absolutely depending on God’s strength and not our own.  We still have to climb back on but we are not alone, and never without help.

Hang in there!! – Runks

Here is a stupid video about eating turkey, giving thanks, and Tony Romo.

Have fun, I know I did!

Stuff I’m thankful for:

Jesus for loving me enough to die for me and live in me!

More freedom every day from the baggage of the abuse in my past!

A really awesome wife who loves me even though I’m an idiot!

Both my kids love Jesus!

Elli because she is so much fun and always makes me laugh!

Elli, thanks for riding go karts! hahaha

Nick because he loves the things I love!

Dude, thanks for going hunting with me and Wreck’em Tech!!

A godly Mom who has always been such an amazing example of who Jesus is!

Joanna still sorta thinks I’m funny!

God walking with us through the loss of my Dad to cancer 11 years ago!

An awesome Dad that invested his life in me!

Thanks Dad for always taking me with you!  Tell Jesus I said what up!

Joanna for believing in me and supporting my ministry completely!

That God still lets me do what I do!

The privilege of pouring my life into teenagers!

I got to go to India this past summer!

Joanna for being everything I could ever need or want!

Mike Pinkston!

I get to live in Levelland, Texas!

I have legs, dude!

I’m finally learning to love myself!

Friends that love me and hang out with me!

And Jesus for providing this stuff and these people I have to be thankful for!

Happy Thanksgiving everybody!!!!! – Runks

I’m sitting on an airplane with my 6’6” totem pole body crammed into a regular, no leg room, non-exit row, teeny, tiny airplane seat. I’m sitting next to a guy who is also circus freak tall and we’re both cramped, crunched, and fighting for leg and elbow room like sardines in a tiny can but at least we’re not alone! I don’t think there is anything more encouraging than knowing that whatever you’re facing somebody has either been there or is there right now and feels your pain. I think the most comforting words in the English language are, “Me Too” because those words scream out “YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!” My 94 year old grandmother, Maw-Maw, would put it this way,

“A burden shared is a burden halved and a burden born alone is a burden doubled.”

The problem is not so much finding someone who has been where you are but finding someone with the guts to be real enough to admit it. Sadly this is especially true in the church where often times rather than helping our wounded we shoot them and that has got to stop! I say its time we take off our masks and stop pretending we’ve got it all together. We need to start being real and transparent about who we are and what we’re struggling with so we can make it safe for others to do the same and hopefully all get better together. I’ll go first. To those who have faced the horrors of childhood sexual abuse I say, “ Me Too.” To those who have had their butts kicked by an addiction I say, “ Me Too.” To those who are fighting through the 12 steps trying to get well I say, “Me Too.” To those who have been beat down by the reality of depression I say, “Me Too.” To those who struggle to let Jesus take control I say, “Me Too.” To those who are sick of going to church and pretending everything is fine when its not I say, “Me Too.” To those who have feared that if people really knew you they wouldn’t love you I say, “Me Too” To those who battle insecurity I say, “Me Too.” To those who just want to be loved and accepted, warts and all I say, “Me Too.” To all the broken, hurting, and struggling people I say, “you are not alone. You have never been alone!” Somebody, including Jesus, Heb 4:15, has been where you are and you do not have to suffer alone!!! So let’s take off our masks, get real with each other and with God and start saying “Me too” as loudly and as often as we can!

Me Too – Runks

We live in a society that tells us we need to be independent and self-sufficient, pull ourselves up by our boot-straps (whatever that means??), and do everything in our own strength.  It sounds good on the surface but in reality it is so contrary to the way scripture says we are to live our lives.

II Corinthians 12:10 says, “When I am weak then I am strong.”  So if we really want to be strong we have to learn to Live Weak.  What a radical concept!! Living weak is a paradox that goes against everything the world teaches or believes.  Everybody wants to believe that they can Live Strong and handle all their junk on their own but the fact is we can’t.  We try and we fail because it can’t be done.  In fact, none of us can do anything in our own strength.  Compare John 15:5 with Philippians 4:13.  John 15:5 says that without Christ we can’t do anything and Philippians 4:13 says with Christ we can do anything!  That is the heart of what it means to Live Weak!!! On our own apart from Christ we are absolutely powerless to accomplish anything of any value but by walking daily in absolute dependence upon Jesus we can accomplish anything!!  That doesn’t mean, however, that we just sit back, do nothing, and watch Jesus do everything for us.  Living Weak means living in a partnership with Jesus where we strive to balance dependency with discipline.  You have to have both or you won’t get very far.  It’s like the wings on an airplane.  Which one is more important? The right one or the left one?  BOTH!!! If your plane just has one wing then your going to crash every time!  The same thing is true with dependency and discipline. You have to do your part and God has to do His.

Colossians 1:29 says, “I labor, struggling with all His energy, which works so powerfully in me.”  What that means is that we labor – we strive to follow Jesus with our whole heart. We daily dig into the Word of God and rub up against Jesus all the while living in absolute dependence upon Jesus to give us the strength to do it.

Living Weak is a radical concept in our world but the fact is it works because when we are weak, then and only then are we strong!

Live Weak – Runks

I had pretty major shoulder surgery back in December and had my arm stuck in a dang sling for 6 weeks! It was horrible! It was my right arm and I’m right handed so I had to do everything with my left hand! And I mean, EVERTHING! Use your imagination. It was absolutely crazy, messy, and gross! I’m a pretty active guy and not very good at being still for extended periods of time so being laid up on a couch for a month about drove me completely insane! Finally after 4 weeks of this I had my first event so I got to get off the couch, jump on a plane, and try to preach with my arm in a sling. If you’ve seen me speak then you can only imagine how crazy tough this was for me. I’m sure it was funny to watch but it drove me nuts! I was speaking at a DiscipleNow for First Baptist Church in Clifton, Texas. While I was there I met a 7^th grade guy named Zach. Zach was, how do I put this, I’m terrible at political correctness and have the tact of a freight train so I’m not sure how I’m supposed to describe him so I’ll just put it this way – if he could drive he could park in a handicap parking space. Zach is incredibly small for his age and has no legs but has an absolutely amazing attitude about his situation. He really is an amazing guy and I can’t wait to see what God does with his life! During every service he sat on the floor between the front pews and I almost stepped on him several times. He’s a really cool kid and we had a lot fun joking around about how crazy it would have been if I had really stepped on him.

One night while I was speaking I was telling a story in my normal ridiculously animated manner and I desperately needed both arms to make the story work but I couldn’t do it because of that stupid sling, not to mention it would have hurt like crazy if I had tried! At that point I had had enough and went off on a tirade about how much I hated that stupid sling and not being able to move or use my arm blah, blah blah, etc. etc. etc. And all of sudden, Zach blurted out, “At least you got legs, dude!” And everybody including me erupted in laughter! It was absolutely hilarious! At that point I acknowledged that he was right and I really had NOTHING to complain about. He said it as a joke but it really caught my attention. I realized after he said it and especially after getting to know him that my temporary problem of my arm being in sling was nothing compared to what he has to deal with every day and yet he is so incredibly positive about it. This kid really inspired me and totally changed my attitude about my situation and really, my life in general. The rest of the time I was in a sling and in rehab after that my mantra was: “At least you got legs, Dude!” No matter how bad it was or how much it hurt I kept reminding myself that at least I had legs and have no reason to ever complain about anything. Even now that my shoulder is totally recovered, God continues to use Zach’s words to wake me up every time I start to complain about anything. I hope someday to somehow get close to having the kind of attitude about life that Zach has! He truly was and is an inspiration to me. Maybe he can be the same for you. Next time you get petty and start to complain take a second to remember the words of my buddy Zach: “At least you got legs, Dude!” I promise it will help you settle down and be more realistic about what’s going on.

At Least you got Legs, Dude!

God Bless ya – Runks

Check out this crazy video I made on the way to The Texas Youth Minister’s Conclave about the evils of self-promotion, bad driving, funny word choices, and why I do what I do.  Have fun.

God Bless ya – Runks

The air conditioner at my office was out of whack last week and it was hotter than the nether regions of the heavenly realms.  Ok, that may be the dumbest thing I’ve ever said but at the very least its better than saying: “H – E – double hockey sticks!”  Either way my office was a ding dang oven and I was sweating like, well…. ME at an etiquette seminar.  I wasn’t getting much done other than a ton of complaining so I decided to let the twitter/facebook world know how much I was suffering and posted the following: “3rd day with no a/c in my office! I’m cooking like George Foreman in here!” To which I promptly  received the following comment from my buddy Seth Hardage who went to India with me last month:

“Good thing you have recently had some experience with no air conditioning!”

Now, I know Seth meant it as a joke but for me it was a slap in the face waking me up to how quickly I have forgotten how good I really have it and how little I really have to complain about compared to the people I met in India.  In Case you didn’t know India is the hottest place on planet earth!  Its has the humidity of Houston combined with the heat of Arizona and almost nobody has air conditioning.  Most of them live in little thatch huts, grow their own food, and do the best they can to take care of the ones they love with hardly any resources.  Every single one of them is still there living with that ridiculous heat and lack of resources and here I am with a full belly, my a/c (at home) is set on 72, my kids are safe, and I know where my next 50 meals are coming from and yet I’m still griping.  Don’t misunderstand me,  I am still deeply effected by my experience in India and in many ways my life will never be the same but it just makes me want to puke to see how quickly I can get sucked back into thinking I have any reason to gripe about petty things when Powan (4 year old railway kid) is still over there alone, hungry, homeless, and hot.  So from now on I’m going to do my best to be thankful for what I have, use what I have to help others, and do my best to stop griping!  Who’s with me??

God Bless ya – Runks

I cannot believe how blessed I am to have Matt Gierhart helping me with this whole website redo chaos!  Matt is one of my former students from my Youth Minister days who is now older than I was when I was his Youth Minister – trust me its pretty freaky.    He is an absolutely freaky talented, internet marketing, trend spotting GuRu who works with big shot corporations all over the stinkin’ world developing their internet something, something and a bunch of other stuff I don’t understand.  One of his claims to fame is that he was making money off of twitter 2 years ago!  I never even heard of Twitter until 3 weeks ago!  And this is the guy helping me set up a “web presence”… whatever that means.  I can’t believe how cool it is to see who he has become and how perfectly he has found a way to use his God given talent.  Working on this web junk has been a total pain in the patooty but it has been awesome reconnecting with Matt during this process.  If you need any help with this kind of stuff check Matt out here: thenewcelebrity.com.

Gierhart and I are about as opposite as two people can get. About the only thing we have common other than our relationship with Jesus is we both totally love to geek out on the video game series, Resident Evil. In fact, he’s the reason I started playing.  Anyway, we were sitting around working on my web stuff when we started talking about how incredibly different the two of us are when I said, “dude, I could never do what you do” and he responded with, “and I could never DO what you do.” He’s a totally focused, driven, internet junkie entrepreneur and I’m a spastic A.D.H.D goofball, funny preacher guy.  I totally love teenagers and they drive him completely insane.  He can’t get up on a stage and use humor to illustrate biblical truth to teenagers and I don’t know jack about a “web presence” and can’t market anything to save my life yet together we are combining our gifts to impact teenagers for Christ!  Gierhart will have a hand in any life that is touched as a result of this blog.  He’ll have a hand in any life changed at any event I speak at because of this website.  It is one of the coolest illustrations of the Body of Christ I may have ever seen.  Just another really cool thing God is teaching me during this wacky 2k9 plan B summer.

That’s it. I’m out. I’m about to sneak off and geek out on some Resident Evil 5 with my old/new buddy Matt!

God Bless ya! – Runks

This has been one of the most jacked up years ever!  My ministry schedule was basically empty for most of the Spring and I only had 2 camps booked for this summer – down from a normal 6 or 7.   For a long time I tried to blame this on “today’s wintry economic climate” because it was easier than admitting that God was trying to get my attention.  Somewhere around March I quit being so ding dang hard headed and accepted the fact that I couldn’t continue to blame the economy for my empty schedule because if God’s hand was still on my ministry then the economy wouldn’t matter.  So I started practicing what I preach and started digging into the Word – searching- seeking- praying- trying to wrap my head around what it was God was trying to teach me.  Over time I begin to realize that at least part of what God was trying to teach me was humility.  Which is not a fun lesson to learn especially the 2nd, 3rd, or 29th time!  Anyway I got it in my head that if I just humbled myself and let people know that my schedule was empty then God would open the heavens, the phone would start ringing, and everything would get back to normal.  So I made a video titled “Runks Summer 2k9 plan B”, emailed it to a bunch of Student Ministers, and waited to see what happened.  Here’s the video I sent out……

As you can probably imagine, it generated a lot of response, just not the response I was looking for.  I got lots of positive feedback, encouragement, and funny emails but no bookings.  What really surprised me was how many of my friends called to see if I was OK.  It caught me off guard because at the time I was honestly just trying to make a funny video, humble myself, and do what I thought God was leading me to do but when I look at it now I can see the reasons for their concern.  I can hear the desperation in my voice and see the fear in my eyes.  I have a tendency to be  glass half-empty guy.  I don’t like it.  I’d pay money not to be that way but because of the abuse in my past when things get bad I tend to freak out and think the world is coming to an end.  I know that’s crazy but sometimes that’s my reality and that’s exactly what was going on when I made that video.  I still think the video is funny and have no doubt that I was being obedient to God when I sent it out but at the time I was literally freaking out.  I was so worried that my days as an evangelist were over and that God was done with me.  I know that’s pretty extreme but I’m just being honest.

The crazy thing is, that stupid video turned out to be the catalyst God used to turn things around. My plan B turned out to be a stepping stone to get me to God’s plan A.  Out of nowhere, God dropped the opportunity of a lifetime in my lap.  A friend of mine, that saw the video, called and asked me to pray about going on a two week mission trip to India in July! I told him I’d pray about it but I knew from the second he called that this was part of God’s plan for me.  The day after that a former student of mine from my Youth Minister days who is an internet marketing Guru offered to help me come up with a new marketing strategy, redesign my website, and start this blog.  I thought for a while that I was supposed to write a book this summer but I think this is taking the place of that for now.  I can already tell that this blog is going to be good for me and hopefully offer some hope and help to others.  Then through a series of crazy events, God made it clear that I needed to leave the agency that had done my booking for 5 years and go back to doing my own booking.  Nothing against the agency, I just wanted to get back to a ministry based approached where we discuss, dream, and plan for ministry before money, contracts, and all that junk ever come up.  This is where lesson number 2 came in:  Re-learning to trust God for everything.  Once again, God has reminded me that I cannot depend on my talent, my gifts, or a big shot booking agency to make this ministry a success.  I’ve simply got to put my trust in Him and not in myself.  I’ve learned this before but somewhere along the way I got wrapped  up in ME and forgot about it.

And then I went to Super Summer Arkansas.  An event that could have easily been an ego trip deluxe but I went there broken and humbled with a renewed trust in God as my provider and it proved to be one of the most humbling experiences of my life.  Every compliment I received, every student that was saved, every life that was changed – rather than stroking my ego brought me to my knees.  The entire time I was there I kept pinching myself because I just could not and cannot believe that God was letting me speak at such an awesome event.   A young youth minister friend of mine that knows my situation bought every one of my meals at the time-honored tradition of late night dining after worship at youth camp.  It was so humbling for him to do that for me but also an absolutely incredible blessing!   And then on Wednesday afternoon of that week, I booked the first event I’ve booked myself in 5 years.  We shared ideas, dreamed dreams and made a plan for what is going to be an awesome event.  Afterwards, I went outside, called my wife, and wept like a baby.  I kept saying over and over, “Its not over. Its not over. Its not over! God is not done with us.  He’s got more for us to do.”  That may seem silly to some but I can’t tell you how awesome it is to know and believe again that God is not finished with me – that He has more for me to do.

Its been a crazy year and an even crazier summer but there is light at the end of the tunnel.  I wouldn’t want to go through it again but I wouldn’t trade for what God has done in my life.   My schedule is still a little thin but God is meeting our needs and I’m not worried about it anymore.  I’m just going to stay focused on being broken, humble, and faithful and do whatever I can to meet the needs of every hurting teenager God places in front of me.

I’ll leave with you with the words of a rap from Will Smith which oddly enough seems to fit here:

“I got my X-ray vision through all in my way. No Plan B, it distracts from Plan A.”

No more plan B for me.  I’ll stick to God’s Plan A.  Its safer there and a lot more fun.

God Bless ya – Runks